Don't shop, swap!

January is finally at an end, which means that 31 of my 60 days of Not Shopping are ALSO over, thank god. I'm trying to use my time to think about constructive shopping rather than emotional shopping -- you know, buying what I need instead of what I think will lower my stress level or make me a better person.

It's hard, honestly.

Of course, in the Month(s) of Not Shopping, my in-box has been overflowing with emails from people promoting -- you guessed it -- shopping sites! And while you can't blame a PR person for trying, not many of them are really catching my eye. Except this one: Swango is an on line swap site. You heard me, SWAP. Sort of like Craig's List meets eBay, but without the crazy people or pricey auctions.



How it works: users join Swango for free, and can browse the swap offerings of other users. Each piece is $.99 -- that's ninety nine CENTS, you all! I dare you to find anything at eBay for ninety nine cents.

You can read all about how Swango works here.

Finally, there's this: Swango supports the Dignity U Wear Foundation, which provides new clothing to needy children and their families. I'm all about that.

Clean out your closet, photograph everything, and then start swapping at Swango. And let me know if you find anything really fabulous! Because in 29 days, I'll be shopping again. Thank god.

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Tuesday links, and one from the e-mail bag

Beating cancer is totally stylish. Don't you think?

What to buy RIGHT NOW!

And an e-mail, from Shauna:

I would be very interested in your opinion on this. Buying more than one of an item in different colors... a no-no or a go-go?

I love the idea of something being a "go-go." That makes me smile.

I'm not opposed to the same piece in multiple colors; if you find a pair of pants or a tee that fit really well and flatter you and go with other things in your closet, it is probably worthwhile to pick up more than one. This can make getting dressed substantially easier in the morning, because you are creating a kind of uniform that will always work for you.

Two things to be aware of, however. Do NOT buy anything in EVERY color just to buy it; stick with colors that REALLY work for you. And for very distinctive pieces, choose ONE color and make that piece a statement, rather than a uniform.

Now you tell me -- do you buy in multiples? What pieces do you stock up on? Why?

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It's the 80s all over again, unfortunately

Hey, Susan--
I just got an email from True Jeans telling me, among other things,
"light 80s washes are back!"

Say it isn't so.

Sincerely,
Kelly

I genuinely hope it isn't so, Kelly, but with all the OTHER 80s revivals we've seen lately, who knows? What I DO know is this: light-wash jeans, acid or otherwise, do NOT work for -- well, anyone, really.

A search for "light wash" at True Jeans reveals that fortunately they are NOT talking about the 1980-something jeans Kelly and I are remembering, but a kind of updated light wash, which is more faded than washed. This pair, for example, from Dream Diva, are not exactly what I remember from the 1980s (when the ENTIRE jean was a light wash) but instead are light washed ONLY through the thighs.



While that's better than the reverse fit acid washed Gap jeans I wore for most of high school, it still isn't a great option for most of us because the lighter denim through the thighs calls attention to -- well, to THE THIGHS. And even on this model, who is clearly a slip of a girl, it's not a great look.

If you are looking for the most versatile jeans possible, opt for a dark wash in a mid-rise, with either a boot cut or flared leg, depending on your shape (if you have wider thighs, a boot cut will work the best). Dark wash jeans are the most versatile; they can go from casual to more dressed up with ease. They are also the most flattering, because they will work like black pants to provide a neutral, slimming bottom.

The bottom line is this: advertisers will say ANYTHING to get you to shop. But 80s nostalgia is NO reason to buy jeans, and nothing ages you faster than trying to revisit the styles of your youth. Especially when those styles were acid washed or prefaded.

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Tuesday links, from my death bed

I have the flu, compliments of my seven-year-old, who has been extra snuggly and sweet for the 36-plus hours that he has been sick. But I have risen from my death bed to bring you Important Fashion and Style Advice! All written while wearing my yoga pants and a sweater from ten years ago.

You're welcome.

Everything you ever wanted to know about tailoring! And more!

Maternity wear for the second time around.

Look like a flasher, on your wedding day!

Damn you J. Crew and your super awesome jewelry.

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Highwater jeans are SO last year

I am embarrassed to admit just how LONG this e-mail has been lingering in my in-box. Let's just say that when Shannon wrote to ask about jeans, she was shopping the after-Christmas sales. Sorry about that.

I spent the whole day braving the mall in search of a new pair of jeans. (16 months postpartum and still nursing = clothes CONTINUE to become ill-fitting every few months as my body keeps up its apparently unending shape-shifting process. But that's probably fodder for a whole other question.)

I ended the day with a case of dehydration (all that shopping! no time for water!) and a serious case of inseam-length confusion. (OK, I ended up with some jeans, too, but I'm so confused I may end up returning them.) Can you please, please tell me, how long are jeans really supposed to be? OK, I get that you need jeans of one length for your flats, and jeans of a longer length for your shoes with heels. But why does it always seem that, for relatively petite (5'3") girls like me, the "shorts" are too short for anything other than ballet flats, and the "regulars" are, well, questionably billowy at the foot? I can't for the life of me figure out just how the bottom of my jeans is supposed to look. Straight, with no "break"? (That seems too short.) A quarter-inch off the floor in the back? (I'm afraid that will look too sloppy from the front, where the fabric balloons out a little where it hits the shoe.) It especially drives me crazy to run around my house in stocking-feet with the babies all day, stepping on the bottom of my jeans the whole time. It makes me feel like a sloppy high-schooler. And yet, if I'm ever gonna put on shoes (which I am), those "short" or "petite" or "ankle" lengths--the ones I DON'T trip on when I'm in my stocking-feet--often look a little flood-water-ish.

I'm desperate. A mama needs some jeans!

I swear jeans are the HARDEST piece of clothing to buy. First of all, not all jeans are created equally (as we know, some are assembled by drunk monkeys with steak knives). If you are shopping in the low-to-mid price points (which really is anything Banana Republic and down), you will need to take multiple pairs of the same size jeans into the dressing room with you. I am entirely serious -- grab all the size whatever jeans in the style you think you want, plus a few pairs that are one size up and a few more that are one size down, and haul the whole load into the dressing room. Because not all size 8 or 12 or 16 jeans are made the same way, and there can be substantial discrepancies from one pair to the next.

Are you tired yet? You know, since I just suggested that you will need to try on 68 pairs of jeans to find ONE that fits? Sorry about that.

Shannon is asking specifically about length, which is almost as tricky as overall fit. We tend to worry, in the dressing room, about the waist and hips part of the jeans, and we often wind up not really looking at the length. But you really do need to look, for all the reasons Shannon points to here: jeans that fit your ass but don't quite meet the top of your shoe will still make you look hippy.

When you go to look for jeans, either wear or take the shoes that you will ACTUALLY put on WITH the jeans. I so deeply despise shopping for jeans that I will often take two or three pairs of shoes with me, because then, while I'm IN the dressing room with my 74 pairs of jeans, I can try EVERY POSSIBLE COMBINATION of footwear.

Because the only thing I hate more than SHOPPING for jeans is having to RETURN them. Ugh.


Jeans from J. Crew.

What kind of length are we talking about? Let's start with flats: the jeans that you are going to wear with flat shoes should break SLIGHTLY over the front of your foot. I prefer a more dramatic break than is pictured here for my own jeans, but that means a longer hemline, which really is difficult to wear without shoes. The length in the photo -- long enough to cover the back of the shoe but not so long as to drag on the ground or trip you up -- is perfect for every day.


Jeans from J. Crew.

With a heel, of course, you want a longer hem, ideally one that will hang to within about a quarter of an inch (or less) of the floor. The idea is NOT for people to see your entire shoe, but only the toe. Jeans that are cut to wear with heels really DO need shoes; there's no going barefoot with this length. Then again, I assume that if you're putting on the jeans that are hemmed for your heels, you are actually GOING somewhere and will be leaving your shoes on. Right? Right.


Jeans from Boden USA.

If you want to go with a cropped hemline, choose one that is CLEARLY cropped, not just a wee bit too short. Cropped pants should hit one or two inches above the ankle bone, for the most flattering look. Jeans that stop below the ankle bone will, as Shannon points out, leave you looking like you are awaiting a flood. Or like you have had a miraculous late-life growth spurt. Either way, it's not a good look.

So what's a mama to do? There is always tailoring, although I have to admit that I tend to save this for pants that are NOT jeans, because it can be difficult to get jeans hemmed in such a way that they don't LOOK hemmed. I think it comes down to this: you will need to try on a LOT of jeans, in various styles and inseams, with the right shoes, before you come up with a pair that is the perfect length.

Doesn't that sound like FUN? Ugh.

Okay, now it's your turn: dish about your FAVORITE jeans. What brand, where you buy them, what the hemline is like. Spill it. Because you know that I only own the one pair of jeans, and I had to try on so many pairs to find them that they may veery well be the last pair I EVER own. Unless you all can tell me what to buy.

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Going to Old Navy? Take provisions

I'm having one of those days where everything takes five times as long as I had planned, and so I have JUST NOW finished a project that I thought would take an hour, tops but instead has taken me nearly FIVE hours. And now I am way behind on other important things, like the laundry and the dishes.

Fortunately, in a complete fluke, there's an interesting and very funny conversation going on over here about how to buy Old Navy jeans. I have a vexed relationship with Old Navy; I have a few things -- a pair of khakis, a pea coat, the jeans I'm wearing today -- that I bought there and truly love, because they fit well and work with the rest of my closet. But I also get disgusted every time I go into an Old Navy store because so much of the merchandise is just badly made and overpriced for its usefulness.

But anyway, I had no idea that the photo of the jeans would spur a whole string about shopping at ON. So while I'm trying once and for all to identify the weird smell in my kitchen, you can go on over there.

Tomorrow: more about jeans! Something useful, I promise.

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Tuesday links

I don't care what Michael Kors says, I am NOT matronly!

The sling back: the El Camino of shoes. (Many thanks to Jan for an image that I just canNOT get out of my head.)

I'm still not shopping, but that shouldn't stop you!

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Dos and don'ts of yoga pants

This post has an addendum at the end.



In the comments on this post, Sarah Cool took issue with my insistence that you should never leave the house in your yoga pants:

I really don't think leaving my home wearing yoga pants is this huge sin. I feel perfectly fine running errands on a Saturday afternoon in yoga pants and a jacket.

I kind of feel like statements like this seems like an awful lot of pressure to put on women.

I both agree and disagree with what Sarah has said. Hey I should run for public office!

I'm kidding. But only about running for public office.

Yoga pants are a wonderful thing; they are really more sophisticated sweat pants, after all. They are typically made of nicer jersey material, and come in wider, more flattering cuts than traditional sweats. And yes, Sarah is right: for a Saturday of running errands, a nice pair of yoga pants -- one that fits properly, particularly through the hips and thighs, and isn't pilling or stained or faded or ripped -- can be paired with a cute tee or a sweater or jacket and some great skimmers for a look that is comfortable and casual and practical.

What I object to is the all-yoga-pants-all-the-time mentality. Just like the little black dress, yoga pants have a place in every wardrobe; their place, however, should not be at church or the office or lunch with friends. It really is just as easy to put on a pair of dark rinse jeans and a tee (maybe even the SAME tee you've been wearing with the yoga pants!) before you leave the house.

I think Sarah is right in her sense that women feel a lot of pressure to look good all the time, although I would argue that the problem comes less from someone suggesting that perhaps workout wear should be worn primarily to work out than it does from our constant compulsion to measure ourselves against unattainable ideals.

Let's go back to the yoga pants for a moment: I would say that the worst yoga pants offenders I know are the mothers of small children. I see these women all the time, with their kids dressed in adorable little outfits, while they are schlepping around in velour track suits from Target. There is a real sense that they don't deserve to dress any better, because their children need to come first. There is also a kind of martyr aura around them -- we're supposed to understand that they have sacrificed everything, including their fashion sense, for the kids.

I find that very sad.

The way you look -- your clothes, your posture, your facial expressions -- tells other people how you feel about yourself, and how you expect to be treated. When you're running around in saggy baggy yoga pants every day, you don't look like someone who wants to be seen as smart and dynamic and interesting. And don't you want your kids -- and neighbors and friends and colleagues -- to see you as smart and dynamic and interesting? Especially since you really are, each one of you, in your own way.

Yoga pants are fine for the weekend, when you're lounging, but for weekdays -- and evenings out and church and lunch with friends -- make a little more effort. The reward will be that you feel better about yourself, and others will see that and respond to it. And I promise that it will make you feel better.

I don't think that's pressure, I think that's just practical.

Edited to add ...

I want to be clear about something that I don't think came through in my original post: I responded to Sarah's comment because I thought that it was insightful and valid. I think she makes an excellent point, both about the simple premise that yoga pants have a useful place in a casual wardrobe and about the bigger issue of fashion rules being one more way that women pressure each other to be perfect. I did not mean to sound as though I were calling her out for disagreeing with me; in fact, I appreciate that she made me think.

And I will say again: I think that she is right, both about the yoga pants and about the ways fashion writing puts pressure on women.

That's all.

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What to wear to work out

Remember how I am always saying do not leave the house in your yoga pants? Today I am giving you permission to do just that. Sort of.

Let's start with what NOT to wear to work out: gigantic over-sized anything. Our default when we know we're going to sweat is typically to put on the most worn out, ill-fitting casual pieces we own. But if the goal of exercising is to feel good in your body, why wear clothes that make you feel big and frumpy when you ARE exercising? Instead, choose pieces that fit properly and that allow you to move freely and easily.

C19 by Champion tank, $16.99

You can read the rest at BlogHer.

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Make your shopping fast work for you

Stara has been thinking about what she is calling the Purpose Driven Wardrobe, which is an idea that I love: she wants every piece in her closet to have a clearly defined purpose. Here are five easy steps to make sure that YOUR wardrobe -- and your shopping -- has a clear purpose.

1. Shop your closet. Or at least clean it out. Get rid of EVERYTHING that isn't working. If your weight is currently fluctuating (post baby, say), or you are transitioning from one kind of daily grind to another (leaving or starting a new job, for example), take all the currently inappropriate pieces from your closet and store them. Don't give them away just yet, though; give yourself some time to adjust to this new body/career/routine and THEN assess what's in the storage boxes. But one way or another, get ALL the things you are not wearing OUT of the closet. Now you are faced ONLY with things that you can, and ideally WILL, wear.

2. Document your outfits. Photograph what you wear every single day for the duration of your shopping fast. Put your pictures someplace where you can look at them as a group -- in a folder on your laptop, or in a photo set at Flickr (in fact, there's a Flickr group where women are doing just this). Use the photos to get an overview of what you are REALLY wearing.

3. Challenge yourself to wear something you normally wouldn't. Move all of the things that you love but rarely (or never) wear to the front of the closet. And then wear them! Sounds simple, doesn't it? It may not be. Some pieces will turn out to have clearly defined but very narrow purposes -- that full-length silk taffeta skirt is probably not right for a day at the office, but it will be perfect for your next black tie event. Pieces with narrow-but-defined uses can go back in the storage area of the closet. What's left? All those things you bought because they were pretty or trendy or on sale, assuming that they would CERTAINLY go with SOMETHING in your wardrobe. Now is the time to find out what precisely they go with. Give yourself three tries to wear the piece. If you can't find any way to make it workable, get rid of it. You may surprise yourself and create an entirely new outfit. Or you may just free up some room in your closet.

4. Start a list of pieces you think you need. Keep a notebook or pad in your closet; each time you have a moment where you find yourself thinking "If only I had a ..." write it down. Wish you had a pencil skirt? On the list. Longing for a pair of orange pumps? Write it down. Now keep track of the number of times you found yourself desiring that particular item. If you spend your entire shopping fast thinking about how much easier getting dressed would be if you JUST had a great black skirt, then shop for one. The orange pumps, on the other hand, may have just been a passing whim.

5. Give yourself ten minutes to get dressed in the morning. You can read more about this at The Working Closet.

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Back to basics: The plain white tee

If there is ONE thing that EVERYONE needs in her closet, it is a really great white t-shirt. The basic white tee is quite possibly the most versatile piece of clothing you will ever own.

As long as you get one that FITS PROPERLY.


Tee by Michael Stars

Not all white tees are created equal; some are better made and more flattering than others. A white tee is not a piece you want to splurge on, though, because inevitably your white tee will wind up stained. Fortunately, you can find really terrific tees for about ten bucks at places like Target and Old Navy.

When you are looking for the perfect white tee, fit is more important than price. Choose a tee that is appropriate for your body type. What's the right shape for your shape?

Small chest: You can pull off a classic crew neck or boat neck tee with aplomb. V-necks are good for creating the illusion of cleavage, but you may need to layer a deep V over a cami or tank, to keep from showing too much of your chest. Be wary of deep scoop necklines, which can make your chest look even smaller. Ruching can be your friend, as it will also create the illusion that your cups runneth over, at least a little.

Large chest: The V neck is truly your friend, as long as you are wearing the RIGHT bra and the V isn't too deep (we don't need to SEE your boobs to appreciate them). Scoop neck tees also work well for girls with larger girls; again, make sure you're wearing a properly sized bra, one that holds your breasts front and center. Skip boat necks and crew necks, though, as both will cause your boobs to look like a an inner tube, which is not particularly sexy.

A little extra in the middle: Look for tees with a slight A line or baby doll shape. A tee with some kind of detailing under the bust -- seaming, for example -- will draw the eye up and away from your waistline. Stay away from oversized tees or any tee with a lot of volume. Look also for tees in slightly weightier fabrics, for structure; a thin tissue tee will only highlight your stomach.

No matter what your size, make sure the overall fit is perfect. Shoulder seams should hit at your natural shoulder; armholes should be essentially the same size as your arms. If your bra is visible through the armhole or the shoulder seam hits you halfway to your elbow, the tee is too big.

Check the length as well. Your tee should cover your waistband in the back when you are sitting down; if you wear mostly lower waisted pants, you will need a longer tee. But if you are short waisted, or have short legs, opt for a shorter tee, one that hits just below your natural waist (or just above your hipbone). Pair with a slightly higher waisted trouser or jean for a longer leg line.

Wear your white tee with everything -- jeans and wool trousers and skirts of all types. Wear it under your suit for the office and with chinos for the weekend. Dress it up with a jacket; give it some funk with a cool chunky necklace. Toss your white tees when they start to show wear. The white tee is the perfect marriage of comfort and style.

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Tuesday links: Still not shopping!

Want to see what's inside my bag? Are you SURE? There could be a prize in it for you.

I want that! No, wait, I NEED that! Oh my god, how do I know?!?

Instead of shopping, you can read some books about shopping.

And of course, if you're still shopping, I've found some cute things at Etsy.

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Sixty days of not shopping

What's chic for 2008? Not shopping.

I gave up shopping for the entire month of October, primarily to make a point: you DO have what you need in your closet -- or maybe you don't, but until you know what is in there, you will never know what you need. I documented my outfits at Flickr, for the entire month. I wore the same things over and over, but I didn't really mind. It was actually a lot easier to get dressed, because I knew that this was it, these were my only choices.

What surprised me the most wasn't how easy it was to get dressed; it was the realization that I shop mostly out of stress or boredom or anxiety. The days that I most wanted to BUY SOMETHING, ANYTHING AT ALL, were the days when I was overwhelmed by some other catastrophe in my life -- a new job, for example, or a nonfunctioning refrigerator. I rationalized my desire to spend, saying that I had earned something new, just for showing up for work or dealing with a household problem. And honestly, I found that a little -- okay, a LOT -- horrifying.

You can read the rest at BlogHer.

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Finding your style: The zen of shopping

Today at The Working Closet, I'm thinking about the connection between style and shopping.

It can be tough to describe your style; the temptation is often to describe the style you WISH you had, rather than what you’re REALLY working just now. But it is important to identify you style, both your current style and your fantasy style, in order to make the most of any shopping you do. This month, we’re going to talk about strategies for honing your personal style.

You can read the rest here.

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What's YOUR style?

Over the holidays I was browsing shoes. I picked out a pair of turquoise patent peep toe flats, with big sparkly embellishments. So fabulous!


Hale Bob Stella Patent Flat, Heels.com, 89.99

I was all set to order them (because SO CUTE!) when I started to think about where I might wear them. To the park? To work at home? To basketball practice?

Hmm.

Sure, I could wear them out -- to lunch with my husband or dinner with friends or shopping -- except that I'm usually squeezing those things in between the grocery and the car pool line, and I don't have time to be changing my shoes ten times a day.

I didn't buy the shoes, although I still think they're really cute.

I did, however, start to think about this idea that style is synonymous with dressed up. Why can't you -- or I -- be stylish in some great-fitting, kid-friendly yoga pants? Why can't I -- or you! -- look professional and polished in a terrific pair of jeans? Why do we always wind up feeling like someone ELSE'S style is the right way to dress, while our own style is a disaster?

The first step to making good wardrobe choices is to identify your personal style. You need to think about your body and your lifestyle and your budget; you will need to think about how much of a commitment you want to make to caring for your clothes (are you willing to dry clean? hand wash? IRON?!?). And you need to figure out what it is that you like to wear.

Let's start with that.

Pull everything out of your closet and pile it on the bed. Try EVERYTHING on. Put everything that needs repairs or alterations into one pile, and everything that needs to go in another. This second pile should include pieces that are too small or stained or damaged beyond repair. Make a THIRD pile of everything that is in good condition but you never wear. You don't have to analyze WHY you don't wear it; we don't really care. If it's taking up space in your closet but never seeing the light of day, it needs to go.

Now go back through the pile of things that you DO wear and pull out the things you wear all the time. You know, the ones that never see the inside of your closet because they go directly from the dryer to your body and back into the laundry -- those pieces. Make sure that you're not keeping anything worn or stained or pilled just because you wear it all the time; you can replace it, trust me. Everything in this category goes back in the closet -- that is your core wardrobe.

Now look at those pieces and think about what they say about your style. What's IN your closet now? Is it all work clothes? All casual clothes? All yoga pants and t-shirts? How would you describe your style, based on these pieces, the ones you wear all the time?

Step back -- are you happy with what you see? How do you feel about that closet full of yoga pants? Do your everyday clothes -- no matter what they are -- make you happy? Or do you find yourself wishing for something different -- jeans instead of suits, skirts instead of capri pants?

The clothes that say the most about you -- about your personality and your lifestyle and your competence as an employee or a parent or a person -- are these core pieces, the ones that you fall back on every single day. Is your wardrobe working for you, or does it leave you wanting more?

For most of us, our everyday closet is full of comfortable, appropriate, easy-care pieces. There's nothing wrong with that, really, but it's not very ... exciting. Or stylish.

Tomorrow: let's talk about shopping.

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