Raising the Bar (and your martini, too)

Sarah wants to know "which outfits would you recommend for creating a milieu of respect, restraint, elegance and class.... ? Surely there are clothes in the modern wardrobe that will fit the bill."

Of course.

I think that regaining our sense of decorum and elegance is simply a matter of making an effort to look presentable all the time (or the majority of the time). Dinner with your sweetie? Put on a dress. Brunch with your in-laws? A nice sweater and skirt. Drinks with the girls (kids included)? Spiff up your shorts with a pretty top and some great shoes.


Anthropologie

The revival of elegance has less to do with how much your clothes cost or how often you wear a dress; instead, elegance, like civility, is about how you present yourself. Clothes that fit properly and flatter your figure are a crucial first step.


Ann Taylor

But making the effort to pull yourself together is an important second step. Every time I see Britney Spears in a pair of Daisy Dukes and an ill-fitting baby doll, I wince; she is practically begging us to question her mental state and her parenting and her life choices. And no, I don't think that bad shorts make you a bad mother, but appearances matter.


Ann Taylor Loft

Take five minutes to put together an outfit that doesn't look like it came from the hamper; take five more minutes to dress up a little for those special moments. I promise you it's worth it.

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Goodbye, Liz

Liz Claiborne, 1984 (photo from The New York Times)

Fashion icon Liz Claiborne passed away yesterday. She was 78.

The New York Times has a wonderful piece about Claborne's rise to stardom, particularly her reinvention of the women's work uniform.

She created a new foundation for a modern working woman’s wardrobe, which had begun, she once acknowledged irritably, as the bland re-interpretation for women of a man’s navy blue suit and tie. Blouses that closed with frilly bows did not appeal to Ms. Claiborne. Her creative expressions were made of colorful tailored separates that could be mixed with other pieces to create many outfits.

Claiborne is also credited for her innovations in sportswear and casual clothes, which she designed, she said, for "busy and active women like myself, women who dress in a rush and who weren’t perfect." I think that describes most of us.

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"Help! I can't keep a pair of pants up!"

Dear Susan,

I can't keep a pair of pants up. I have tried sizing down, and they are too tight and don't stretch out enough to ever be comfortable. But if I buy a size that fits, by noon I am hiking my pants up all over town, desperately trying NOT to show my underwear. Am I just buying the wrong styles? I have a thin(ish) waist and big ole hips. Or this just a sign that I need to gain or lose a few pounds to switch sizes?

Best-

Chichimama

Let's start with a basic truth: you should be dressing the body you have RIGHT NOW, not buying things that will fit if you gain/lose a few pounds. That goes for all of you, not just Chichimama. The road to hell is paved with pants that will fit "as soon as I lose five pounds."

Or something like that.

If you're built like Chichimama, you can take your pants to a tailor and have the waistbands taken in a bit. This is a good solution for more tailored trousers, and pants without any stretch in them. Buy pants that fit well through the hips and thighs, which are more difficult to tailor, and have the waistband adjusted accordingly.

If you are buying primarily pants with a little bit of stretch (2-3% spandex, for example), try on both the size you think you wear AND one size smaller. Pants with spandex in the blend DO stretch out during the day, so starting the morning off with a slightly snug fit isn't really a problem.

HOWEVER, here's the trick: take two or three (or more, if it's possible) pairs of the EXACT SAME SIZE pants into the dressing room, and buy the pair that fits the best. This is especially true if you're buying pants with stretch a little small; a wee bit tight first thing is fine, but cutting off the circulation to your internal organs isn't. And there can be a HUGE difference from one pair of pants to another, even in the same size.

Trust me on this one.

Finally, there is the age-old solution of a belt. Look for something slim, not bulky, particularly if you're not planning to tuck your shirt in. I like fabric belts, which are lighter weight than a leather belt and come in all sorts of pretty colors.

And for the love of all that is fashionable, do NOT show the world your underwear.

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You're Invited for Cocktails, Dinner, and Dancing

I've been reading Nancy Drew mysteries with my sons this summer--not the updated, CSI-style books but the originals, written in the 1940s and 50s, the books I read when I was a girl (in fact, we're reading my childhood copies of the books, with my name written on the flyleaf and the pages dogeared because I never had a bookmark). In these early books, no one is troubled by things like Miranda rights or Homeland Security, which is both funny and charming in this post-9/11 world.

But what I love the most about these books is the social tone, which is dignified and polite. Nancy and her friends address adults as Mr. or Mrs., and the worse expletive anyone ever uses is "Hypers!" Nancy Drew solves mysteries while wearing a dress, and only the bad guys question her youth or gender.

And, most appealing to me, everyone dresses for dinner. In Mystery at the Ski Jump (originally published in 1952), Nancy and her friends track a gang of fur thieves into the wilds of the Adirondacks, in the dead of winter. And yet, despite the fact that they are staying in a snowed in summer cottage, everyone has dinner clothes in his or her luggage, because you just never know when you might be invited to a dinner party.

The young people spent the day enjoying winter sports, then changed into suits and dresses. . . . When they arrived at the inn, they found that Chuck had engaged a small, private dining room where places were set for ten persons. . . . There were colorful favors at each plate, and a special menu, with the promise of dancing afterward. When dessert was brought in, their host rose from his chair.

I find it charming that the "young people" know what to wear and how to dance and how to host a dinner party. Nancy is perpetually 18; her friend Ned Nickerson is perhaps two years older. Except for the fact that no one is holding a martini glass, these books are a delightful representation of retro swank elegance.



I have a soft spot for that kind of lifestyle, one where a young woman could be both feminine and smart, one where being a girl didn't mean staying inside and baking cookies. I love that Nancy Drew chases bad guys and waltzes with equal success. And I love the whole idea of the dressed up dinner party. I think there is a distinct connection between our devotion to Casual Friday attire and the essential loss of civility and politeness in our society at large.

In the mid-90s, there were a spate of movies based on Jane Austen novels all released in a clump (Sense and Sensibility, Emma, and my favorite, Persuasion). NPR carried an editorial by an English professor at Georgetown University, whose name escapes me, about the popularity of these films. We love Austen, the professor theorized, because we long for the kind of restrained social intercourse her characters have. We long for a day when not every thing was up for discussion, when certain subjects were taboo. We don't really want to hear about the sex lives of celebrities; instead, we would like women to be ladies and men to be gentlemen.

I think this argument is essentially correct, despite the fact that it has flaws. Austen's women characters struggle mightily with the rules of polite society, and Nancy Drew exhibits a naievete that is almost unbearable today. But at the same time, I think that we do long for a more civilized society, one in which men and women respected each other and showed that respect in their dress and deportment.

Should we all start dressing for dinner again? Probably not. But it wouldn't hurt any of us to reclaim our manners, to consider how our appearance influences the way people treat us. It couldn't hurt to revive the swank, polite dinner party. But perhaps with martinis and a judicious bit of swearing. After all, we're not teenagers.

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It's Reunion Time--What are YOU Wearing?

Recently, Julie e-mailed me with a Hot Summer Fashion Challenge:

High school reunion…31 years. Why 31? I have no idea. I think the reunion theme should be “we’re not quite 50 yet”. It’s a very casual event, held at an open-air barbecue barn in the evening. It’s evening now here in the deep south, and it’s 94 degrees, so this July event will be HOT. What to wear? I’m 5’4”, size 6, but not in a skinny way. A lot of capris tend to make my legs look really short, but maybe I just haven’t gotten the right length. I love skirts, but don’t want to look too dressy. I think cute shoes might be the key.

I e-mailed back: "Cute shoes are ALWAYS the key." But what should Julie wear WITH the cute shoes? She should steer clear of the capri pants, for the reasons she mentions in her e-mail: they're not the most flattering option for her, and pants are just hot. Julie wants to look her best, and if she feels short and sweaty, she won't.

Or is that just me?

Instead, Julie could wear . . .

Option One: Skirt

Julie can look for a skirt in a lightweight, summery fabric, something machine-washable (which is typically more informal than anything dry clean). The A-line is, of course UNIVERSALLY FLATTERING; she should choose a skirt with a hemline that hits just below the knee. She can look for something with a pattern, which is also less dressy than a plain colored skirt. Pair with a fitted tee, either a V-neck or a crew neck, in a pretty color (she could pick up a color from the skirt) or in basic white or black. Add a beautiful necklace or some really cool earrings and pair of pretty flat shoes and Julie is good to go.

Option Two: Sundress


Ann Taylor Loft, $59.00

A dress can feel fancier than a skirt and tee, but if Julie chooses the right dress, she won't be overdressed for the occasion. Again, she wants to look for something in a washable fabric; she also wants to think about the cut of the dress. This summer, sundresses are huge. Julie can choose something with little spaghetti straps or a sleeveless dress with more substantial straps (depending on her bra preference). Again, an A-line skirt is the most flattering, and the hem should hit just below the knee. Pair with pretty flat sandals for a summery look that's not overdressed.

In the end, Julie wants to find an outfit that will be cool and comfortable, and that lets her look her best AND be comfortable. And she should remember that when you're seeing people who knew you in high school (which honestly, was not a shining moment for a lot of us) you deserve to look your best.

And then she needs to send me a picture, so we can all see what she wore.

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For Sarah Jessica Parker, "Fashion Is Not a Luxury"

You've read about SJP's new line of clothes, Bitten, haven't you? The line that everyone who is anyone in the fashion world has dismissed as "boring"? THAT line of clothes?


Photo from the New York Times

I think Bitten may be the answer to our prayers for affordable clothes for grown up women.

In today's New York Times, Parker dishes with Cathy Horyn (who you KNOW I love) about the line, and about fashion in general.

What was most satisfying to me on the opening day was to see the preponderance of plus-size women and women of color. That’s what made me cry, and I’m not being treacle-y about it. People may have been disdainful about our clothes—well, it’s not for them. They have access. They have the financial or the geographical access to clothes. This is simple American sportswear, and we made the decision to size from 0 to 22, from 5 to 11 in shoe sizes.

What resonated for us on the first day is that women really got the point we were trying to make—which is you should have access to well-made, affordable clothes regardless of your size or where you live. It’s not this rarefied thing. Are we trying to do couture and red-carpet, to be Narciso Rodriguez and Nicolas Ghesquiere, for 20 bucks? Absolutely not.

Amen, sister. Now I just need a Steve&Barry's store in Oklahoma City.

You can read the whole interview here.

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Making Eyes

Recently, I've started to look more carefully at my face, largely because I am counting down to my 40th birthday but also because my children are older and no longer prone to falling down every ninety seconds, which leaves me more time to think HOLY COW WHERE DID THOSE WRINKLES COME FROM?

Which gets me back to being 40.

I find myself, suddenly, at an age and a place in life where it's okay to wear makeup every day, more than just lipgloss and mascara. I like putting makeup on, but I'm not willing to reapply or retouch during the day; I want to get it over with in the morning and look great ten hours later.

That seems like a lot to ask, doesn't it?

Not too long ago, Revlon discontinued my favorite mascara EVER; it was my favorite because I could seriously put it on at 6:00 am and it would STILL BE THERE at 11:00 pm, without any smudges or flakes or smears. I went from drugstore to drugstore in the spring and bought every last tube I could find because LONG WEARING is important to me.

Which brings me to The Perfect Eyeshadow.


CARGO shadow in Ten Thousand Islands, $28.00. Available at Sephora.

Over the weekend, I stopped in at The Makeup Bar for an eyeliner, and I wound up with this CARGO eyeshadow too, mostly because it was a nice combination of shades and because it was half off. But now I feel compelled to say I LOVE THIS EYE SHADOW. The colors are sheer and light, but it STAYS ON ALL DAY. I like that the palette is a good balance of everyday color and slightly more oh-la-la options. I like that it's only $28.00 for FIVE shadows.

But I LOVE that it lasts ALL DAY.

Sephora carries five different color palettes. And eye shadow fits EVERYONE.

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What's in MY Working Closet? A Dress (of course!)

Diane Von Furstenburg 'Roberts' twill dress, $345.00

Need a dress for the office? I've got you covered.

Edited to add: This particular dress is NOT one that I am recommending anyone wear to the office. I do, however, have a fondness for it, because it is bright and mod and completely impractical (yes, I yearn for the impractical--so sue me). The REAL dress recommendations are at The Working Closet.

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Coming Soon to a Kohl's Near You: Vera Wang

In the ongoing quest to find grown-up, fashionable clothes that don't break the bank, I bring you this: Vera Wang is designing a line for Kohl's.

Yes, you read that right: Vera Wang, at Kohl's.



I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this one, frankly, although I understand the impetus behind the partnership. After all, look how well the marriage of Target and Isaac Mizrahi has faired. But is Vera Wang really for everyone? Or, more specifically, for the Khol's shopper, who the New York Times paints as a kind of Everywoman? Maybe not.

Her nonbridal aesthetic may best be described as ballerina grunge. She is fond of intentionally frayed hems and raw edges, and complicated silhouettes of slim bodysuits worn under oversized layers of heavy knits. A professional ice skater as a child, Ms. Wang later developed passions for art, dance and ballet that routinely influence her work, with colors that are almost always rendered in muddy, somber shades — in contrast with the cheerier bridal designs that she felt had handcuffed her creatively. She once designed an entire collection around the theme of the raw, down-and-dirty HBO Western series “Deadwood.”

Ballerina grunge is not exactly what I'm looking for these days. Sadly.

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Is There A Nice Way to Say "DO NOT WEAR THAT"?

I need the Internet's help today.

Question: I used to work in at an investment banking firm. One female analyst was wearing clothes that were either grossly mismatched, or just too “loud”. She would wear super high heels or flashy shoes (not flip flops) and skirts would be a touch too short. I was approached a managing director about this analyst. She wanted to know how to broach this subject with this analyst. I had no idea what to say because frankly it was her style - she simply didn’t know how to dress any differently and technically, she was within the firm’s dress code guidelines. She was wearing proper shoes and suits. How do you approach somebody about their dressing style without offending them or sounding harsh and at the same time getting your point across???

Go to The Working Closet and tell us what you would do.

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Angelina Jolie Shops Like a Mom

What did Angelina Jolie wear to this week's premier of A Mighty Heart? This fabulous frock.


Photo via WALEG

And where did she GET the fabulous frock? At a vintage store. For $26.00. Thus proving that yes, you CAN dress like a celebrity, even on a budget. Although her shoes are Christian Louboutin and most likely cost more than my children's school tuition.

More photos at A Socialite's Life.

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You Can't Go Wrong With Shoes

Since yesterday's skirt went over like a lead balloon, let's try again today with a pair of shoes! Because EVERYONE can wear shoes! And if you dislike the ballet flat, keep it to yourself please. (Kidding!) (Maybe.) (No, I'm kidding. I always appreciate your feedback.)

But! The shoes!


Steve Madden Bees at Zappos

Here is the BEST part about these shoes: Zappos has them for $73.95, BUT Endless has them on sale for $29.89, which means that after the Zappos price match, they will run you about $20.00. Before you order, though, double check to be certain that Endless has your size, because Zappos will ONLY price match if you can demonstrate that you could get the shoes IN THAT SIZE AND COLOR somewhere else for less.

What do you wear them with? Imagine them for those days when you just cannot come up with anything creative or fun to wear and you wind up defaulting to jeans and a tee or khakis and a sweater; they will brighten up even the most basic basics.

For TWENTY DOLLARS. Okay then--are we good again?

A big thank you to Mir for the heads up, and if you really want to do a girl a favor, you will start your ordering by clicking the Zappos link at WantNot (in the left sidebar, about halfway down the page).

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I Shop Because I Love (you all, I mean, not the shopping, although I love that, too)

Since I am always going on about how the A-line skirt is the PERFECT SKIRT, no matter what your body type, I feel compelled to find one that you can ALL wear. And afford.

Voila!


J. Crew linen sailor skirt, $19.99-$49.99

Available in red, amber, and navy blue (and white, but DO NOT BE TEMPTED--the white is totally see through, trust me) in sizes 0 to 14. Light weight and flattering and MACHINE WASHABLE (hang to dry). Dress it down with a tee or tank or up with a lightweight sweater or blouse.

But get it now, before they're all gone. And yes, I bought one for myself, in navy blue. Why do you ask?

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Underwear Revisited

The other day I asked you all to tell me about your underwear, and boy howdy! you did. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart and my underwear drawer.

Since you did such a great job, let's do this again: tell me about your bra. What size do you wear, what do you buy, and do you love it?

I feel compelled to give you this disclaimer: MAKE SURE YOU ARE WEARING THE RIGHT SIZE BRA. If you have lost or gained any weight recently, you are probably wearing a different size bra than you were before the weight change. And, sadly, if you have given birth in this lifetime, you are almost certainly NOT wearing the same size bra as you were before you conceived. And no, this has nothing to do with nursing, so don't give me that I breastfed/didn't breastfeed so my bra size is the same. It's the pregnancy, I swear.

Either measure yourself at home or go and have a bra fitting--if you have a difficult time finding workable bras, I would suggest the professional fitting. Otherwise, you can find directions for the at-home fitting here.

Okay then! Tell us about your bra!

And thank you.

In the interest of fairness, I will tell you that I wear a 32 NearlyA cup bra, which is a glorified training bra. Yes, really. And I buy my bras in the juniors department at Target. YES REALLY. It's true. Now shut up.

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Looking Polished is Always Hip

Hi Susan,

I have a question which might be kind of dumb, or just due to my advancing middle age. Are pantyhose simply NOT DONE now? It seems that I don't see them anymore, anywhere. Admittedly, I do live in a hot and steamy city, but even in the dead of winter, women just don't seem to wear pantyhose or tights.

I wonder if I'm alone in mourning this. Yeah, they can be hot and they run easily and they can be expensive. Yet, I know how much better my legs look in a nice pair of hose! It's much easier and more reliable than tan-in-a-can, because I know the color won't be splotchy, plus they add a certain sheen to the leg, not to mention the ability to smooth over cellulite and generally firm up the entire lower body. And they do make a dressy outfit look more "dressed up", at least to me.

So do you think it's a dead giveaway how unhip someone is to don a pair of pantyhose these days? Exactly how unhip? Cuz I can deal with a certain amount.

Thanks!

MomCat

Ahh, pantyhose. I remember being in junior high and DESPERATELY wanting to wear pantyhose, because they were so Grown Up. Remember L'eggs? In Suntan?

Good lord.

Fortunately, pantyhose have come a long way since the 1970s, and despite the fact that they seem to have fallen out of fashion, there are still some good options out there. Look for a very sheer knit in a color that is as close as possible to your natural skin tone; keep in mind that the more expensive options will last longer and hold up better. Today's pantyhose also combine the ability to make your legs look flawless with some extra support for your ass and stomach, and if you're like me, that's never a bad thing. MomCat is right: a really terrific pair of hose can make your entire bottom half look polished and perfect.


Spanx, $24.00

Spanx has the BEST pantyhose on the market these days; they are well made and they come with a variety of control top options. And yes, they are pricey, but if the alternative is those L'eggs (do they still even make those?) I say go with the Spanx. You won't regret it.

As for tan-in-a-can--well, use with caution. That's all I'm going to say about that.

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The Perfect Tuesday Afternoon Dress

This summer, I'm looking for a great sundress, something that I can wear to dinner or to the club or just out in the yard. It has to be bright and funky and machine washable and not horribly expensive.


Printed voile dress, Target, $24.99

How cute would that be with a little cardigan? Or some pearls? Or a martini?

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