What to wear when your baby gets hitched: Mother-of-the-bride dresses, part one

I'm getting married in March. I've got my dress picked out (it's
strapless, ivory, with a strip of champagne on the top and bottom, and a champagne lace-up back), and my bridesmaids dresses picked out (pool blue, tea-length, with an empire waist). The more challenging part is now for my mom and my fiance's mom. Although I've told both of them I don't care too much about what they wear, they both would like my input. And, frankly, I don't know what is appropriate for a mother-of-the-bride and mother-of-the-groom to wear. Do their dresses need to be long? formal? certain styles? certain colors? avoid certain colors? Also, they have been asking me where to look for these dresses, which I also don't know.

Angie

Angie's wedding is on a Saturday, at 4:00 pm; as of right now, neither of the moms is doing anything special for the wedding service (they're not lighting a candle or reading a poem or doing a jig to entertain the guests -- that sort of thing). They are just going to show up and look lovely and maybe cry a little. With joy, of COURSE!

With all that said, what should they wear? Let's start with some don'ts, shall we?

The mothers of the bride and groom should choose dresses that compliment -- but do NOT match -- the bridesmaids. They should both steer clear of blue dresses, even different shades of blue from what the bridesmaids are wearing. They also want to avoid colors that are dramatically different from what the bridesmaids are wearing -- say, bright red -- in favor of something more in keeping with Angie's color scheme. Greens and violets are lovely with blues.

The bride's mother should coordinate with -- but NOT match -- the groom's mother. Angie may want to participate in the dress selection because it would be nice if both moms chose similar styles, at least in terms of length and shape. At the same time, though they don't want the same dress in two different colors, nor do they want different dresses in the same color. Having Angie as a go-between can lessen the worry that one mom will choose the wrong dress, and can be a nice way for the three of them to bond.

The bride should be honest with the moms about any preferences she has. Angie strikes me as a very lovely person, not a bridezilla at all, but if there is ANYTHING at ALL that she wants to see the mothers wearing (or NOT wearing) she should go ahead and get it on the table now, before the shopping starts in earnest. No lace suits? Say that, clearly and politely. I promise that the moms will be less upset if she gives them guidelines before they have bought a dress than if she hems and haws about the dress once it's been paid for.

Do not send either mom to a bridal store to shop for her dress. Oh, sure, bridal stores will cheerfully tell you that they carry a WIDE RANGE of mother-of-the-bride dresses, and they do, it's true, but most of them are ugly. Instead, I would send Angie's mother and mother-in-law-to-be to the evening wear section of a reputable department store, or to a small local dress boutique, if there is such a thing where Angie lives. They will get good service and good selection, and while there might not be as many options as there would be at the bridal store, the options will be much better, both in terms of fit and style and quality.

Tomorrow, part two: Dos and don'ts for choosing the actual dress.